There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
