You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Mom said you looked used
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
