it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
