I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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