If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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