She announced her abortion via fbk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
