When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
