Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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