She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
