it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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