my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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