at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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