Is it normal to miss your booty call?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
