I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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