Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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