ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
