well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
