they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
