My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
