do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
