this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
