This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
