My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
