You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
me + whiskey = a bad person
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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