Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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