12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
