1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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