I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
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the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize