wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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