Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
