My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
