her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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