the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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