I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
