They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
