thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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