How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
