I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
