As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
