I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
