Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
