dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
