I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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