If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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