i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You need Xanax blowdarts
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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