he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
