I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
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Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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