I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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