Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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