I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
