mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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