You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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