Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
