I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
