$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
