lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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