I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize