Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
