My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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