i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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