you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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