it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
