So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
