I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
