If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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