This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
