I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pray to the hookup gods
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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