First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
