I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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