I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
