I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
