So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
